At the age of 40, I reached a critical realization – I had lost myself. I wasn’t living the life I desired; I was unhappy, depressed, anxious, carrying resentment in my heart towards my partner at a time, and burdened with physical tension. This realization had been brewing within me for years, but it reached a tipping point, forcing me to acknowledge the need for change. My path was spiraling towards deep depression and dissatisfaction.
Just like everyone else, I carried a backpack full of old beliefs, family patterns, traumas, and coping mechanisms from childhood to adulthood. These shaped my role in the family and how I navigated life, leading me to a life of chronic fatigue, stomach pains, and discontent. I was a shadow of myself.
Through experiences in both my personal and professional life, I realized I lacked the necessary tools to lead my own life. Change was imperative. The first step was a major one – divorce. It took me years, hindered by concepts like loyalty, family, and the mindset of “it will get better.”
I separated after 19 years of shared life, finding myself alone with two children. Realization that I had made a positive change in my life, came when I could finally breathe freely, feeling liberated and full of potential. The question arose, “What now?” My answer: “I want a future filled with joy and happiness and lots of interesting experiences.” So, I had to change my life. But how I asked myself? Systematically!
Creating a Life Plan
You see… Every business has its business plan, every weight loss journey has a diet plan, every fitness regimen has a workout plan, and every financial consultation has a financial plan. So, I thought to myself… why not create a life plan? What a good idea. Actually, what a great idea! Without further ado I created a life-changing plan, recognizing the need to assess my life, determine what needed changing, set my goals, and outline activities to achieve those goals.
I embarked on a proactive journey to transform my life into one of contentment and happiness. This doesn’t mean I’m free from challenges and conflicts in my new life. The difference lies in fulfillment in my life, how I confront and resolve conflicts and obstacles, and knowing my desires and goals in these situations. Key elements include connection in relationships, understanding, compassion, respect, and acceptance, primarily towards oneself.
As a social worker, I talk to people and support them in achieving their goals. I craft life-changing action plans with my clients. Through my work, I concluded that loneliness, lack of a social network, absence of tools for responsible life management, chronic goallessness, and passivity are pervasive issues I identify in people.
So, what does it take to change your life?
Analyze, Visualize, Modify
Decision and action – the dynamic duo that propels transformative change. But what do we mean by decision and action? In essence, it’s about the art of setting boundaries and a profound act of self-love. Yet, the path to defining these boundaries can be a daunting challenge, particularly if the concept wasn’t ingrained through positive examples in your primary family.
In my family, the emphasis was on obedience, adherence to rules, and the virtue of always accommodating others. Control was often enforced through endless scolding, crossing personal boundaries and dignity, and judgment if I dared to express authenticity, my perspective, or any form of resistance. In such an environment, making room for personal needs and establishing boundaries felt unfamiliar. As we dive into this path of decision and action, it’s more than a call to set boundaries—it’s an invitation to comprehend the complexities of self-love. This pursuit requires self-love, introspection, self-awareness, and the courage to liberate oneself from familial constraints.
Setting boundaries is not just about drawing lines in the sand; it’s a profound act of reclaiming your narrative, rediscovering your authenticity, and forging a path toward self-love. Today I know that self-discovery unfolds through experiencing new things, discerning preferences, recognizing “feel-good” moments, and identifying one’s “happy place.” By the way, your home, both within relationships and the ambiance of your living space, forms the foundational “happy place”. Your home ought to serve as a secure haven you return to daily.
Analyzing my life, I performed a thorough examination of all five pillars, crucial to a more satisfying and happy life.
5 Pillars to Change Your Life
- Family, Partner, Friends
- Career, Work, Income
- Health, Fitness, Diet
- Hobbies, Activities
- Making Home
Building your life solely around a partner, neglecting your own needs, social network, hobbies, and other activities, poses the risk of losing your entire life with the loss of a partner. On the contrary, constructing your life around yourself, encompassing all five pillars, ensures that even with the loss of one pillar – aka partner, you still have four strong pillars supporting you.
Change Your Life Guide
I aim to assist people with quick techniques yielding fast results. However, effort is required. If you find yourself at a point where you want to make a life change but don’t know how to and need guidance and support, here are the 5 pillars to help you embark on your transformative journey.
Whether you need support in changing one pillar or all five, this guide can assist you on your journey.
Love, Kyra A. Asic
